


Some things take time

by ImaginaryDragons



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Coming Out, F/F, Lena's chiildhood truama, Mentions of homophobia, but some fluff, episode re write kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 09:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaginaryDragons/pseuds/ImaginaryDragons
Summary: Watching 4x19 I couldn't help seeing that Lena brainy scene as the perfect opportunity for Lena to come out to him. So I rewrote it and here this is.Lena Luthor had been in denial. She had been fighting herself, she had been letting Lillian control her life in a way, even though Lillian wasn't even in her life. She had let the Luthors convince her that she wasn't gay that she wasn't allowed to be gay. For so long she repeated that to herself that she believed it. Until one night when she watched a young hero, Dreamer, give a speech about being true to herself and living her truth.





	Some things take time

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to finish this Monday but then I was lazy and now its Thursday

People deserve to be there true selves. That’s what dreamer was saying. Saying something that Lena had been waiting to hear. Something she had needed to hear. Maybe this new hero was inspiring her. Inspiring her to finally let the truth slip out. She had been hiding for so many years. For so long that she had forgotten that she could come out. That she could tell people the truth. So many years of Lillian and Lex forcing her into the closet had made her forget that she could be free that she could be herself. 

All at once she felt like she was being drowned, but yet it felt like the weight was being lifted off her shoulders. Lena could barely keep herself upright, she just managed to slump into the chair behind her. She was vaguely aware of Kara and Dreamer talking, and she registered that Brainy had asked her a question. She just didn't’ have the energy to answer it though. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure when she had started crying but for once she didn't’ feel like it was making her weak, or like she was breaking. She felt like things could actually be falling into place. She wasn’t sad, well not exactly. She couldn’t really place the emotions she was feeling. 

It wasn’t until Brainy said her name that she snapped out of it. “Lena you’re leaking?” If it was any other time she would have laughed at his word choice but this time she just didn't’ have it in her.

She didn’t mean to start letting it all slip out but she couldn’t hold back the words any longer. She had been holding them back her whole life, and it seemed they couldn’t wait even a minute longer. “I always considered myself strong, brave. To share yourself like that.”

Before he spoke Brainy gave her a look, both of confusion and understanding. “If I’m understanding dreamers words correctly then none of us should be afraid of who we are. Nor should we fear sharing that.”

It hit her to her core, both Dreamers words and Brainy’s own. She let out a shuttering breath and tried to fight back the tears as she spoke. Lena had given speeches in front of thousands of people she had done ted talks, stared down misogynistic men. None of that had ever scared her but this actually saying it, coming out that terrified her more than any assassin ever could. “I’m so paralyzed right now because I’m not able to move forward, all this time I’ve been trying to be the person everyone else expected me to be. Lillian wanted me to be the perfect little charity case. I wasn’t allowed to be flawed. I wasn’t allowed to be anything but normal.” Lena spat the last word out with enough venom to match Lillian’s own.

 

“I spent years being the daughter they wanted, and when I was free of them Lex went mad and there was no space for me to step out of the ‘norm’ I could never be myself. I always have to be the Lena Luthor. The only sane Luthor the one who doesn't do anything to draw extra attention to herself. I buried myself so far in the closet that I think i went past narnia. I have spent so much time making sure that I didn’t let myself fall in love, denying myself part of who I am. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t keep hiding I can’t keep pretending to be the person everyone said I should be.” Lena started choking on the words, she couldn’t even say it out loud. She knew that she could but for some reason her mouth just couldn’t form the words. 

Brainy set a gentle hand on her shoulder and knelled down to be eye level with her. “You don’t have to say it, I understand.” He lifted his other hand to wipe away her tears. “I believe what you are trying to say is that you are, how humans say Queer.? I may not know much about this century but I have seen the hate and bigotry that humans of this time have. I know hwy you would be afraid. You don’t need to be scared anymore though. You have friends now an actual family, Me, Kara, Alex and Nia even J’onn. We won’t try to force you to keep part of yourself locked away. And by my calculations due to the fact that neither Alex, Kara or Nia are straight then there is a 100% chance that they will accept and Love you.” 

Lena let out another sob at the mention of Kara. Kara who she was in love with Kara who she had pushed away even though Kara had been trying to protect her from Lex. Kara who she knew she had hurt, and Kara had unwittingly hurt her in return. Brainy quickly pulled her into a hug. Lena couldn’t help but to lean on his shoulder. They stayed there for who knows how long with Lena finally letting out a fraction of the pent up pain she had been carrying since she was a child. After a while she was able to collect herself and Brainy told her that she should go home, he was going to take care of everything with James. She didn’t need another thing to weigh on her today. She already had enough on her plate. 

Lena was beyond grateful for Frank as he was kind enough to not pry when her drove her home, he simply asked her if she was alright. He put on classical music for her, it always helped calm her. It was those small things that made Lena so glad that he had been working for her for so long. She fought the urge to call Kara to apologize to try to fix things. She didn't’ have the energy though, in fact she barely had the energy to get herself into bed. The emotions of the day had taken quite the toll on her. She fell asleep before she had even changed into her pajamas. 

When she woke up the first thing she registered was sleeping in business clothes was far from comfortable. The second thing she noticed was that Brainy had blown up her phone with texts. Apparently while she was asleep the children of Liberty had attacked catco, they had gone after both Dreamer and Kara. Lena felt her heart drop when she saw that. Kara was alright and unharmed but all Lena could think about was what if she hadn’t made it out. What if the children of Liberty had hurt her or worse killed her. The last thing she would have done was to push Kara away, and to hurt her. 

She was on her feet and getting ready with in seconds. She needed to see Kara, needed to make sure that her best friend was alright. Lena rushed through her shower and grabbed the first outfit she had in her closet. She slowed down as she put on her make up. She wasn't in as much of a rush as the panic was wearing off some. Kara was fine, she already knew that Kara was alright. The only ting was would she and Kara be alright after everything that she had said last night. She needed to fix things and in order to do that she needed to come clean to tell Kara about all the secrets she was keeping about Lex about the serum and maybe even about the secret she had kept from herself for so long. She trusted Kara she truly did but she just had been so scared of Kara knowing the truth. She was terrified of Kara rejecting her and turning her back on her like so many others did, like supergirl did and like even Jack did.

 

Kara had been working herself ragged trying to catch Lex and protect the aliens of national city. She had been so focused on trying to save people that she had forgotten about her own life. Things with Lena were on the brink. Kara wasn’t sure exactly where to go or how to make things better. There was no simple fix for it. She had hurt Lena and no amount of apologies would turn back the clock. 

She was working through the pain. She had spent all night trying to find Lex. She had barley slept, she had taken a nap on the couch in Cat’s office but that was about it. The only time she had left catco was to shower and change her clothes. She had made some headway during the night. But she knew that despite her own genius she didn't’ know Lex. She had only met him once, and that was only during a fight. The only people who would be able to decode what Lex was doing would be Lena or Lillian. And she couldn't ask either for help. Asking Lillian would risk Lillian telling Lena about her secret identity. She didn't have the heart to go ask Lena. She didn't’ want Lena to feel like the only time she wanted to be around her was when she needed help on a story. 

She wasn’t sure what to do so she dove into all the public knowledge of Lex. she was working her ass of to no avail but she couldn't give up she had to keep looking. Maybe if she found Lex if she helped take him in then Lena would forgive her. They could go back to how they were. 

She had been in the middle of working on the case when Franklin’s sister had walked in. While usually she would be a little annoyed by being interrupted while working on something as important as this, this time she was revealed. She needed the distraction and hopefully this would give her a second chance to try to get her on board with helping her now. 

She wasn’t sure if she should be afraid or excited. This could go either way and right now a lot hung in the balance. She couldn’t force the woman to help her but she also didn’t want to press her. This was her choice not Kara’s and helping Kara would mean putting her job and even possibly her life on the line. Kara couldn’t force her to do that. No matter how important the article she couldn’t make someone else risk that much. 

“I want to help you.” When Kara heard those words she had to stop herself from pulling the other woman into a hug. “Dreamer inspired me. I want to do what I can to help. I want to help other aliens, I will be your whistle blower.” 

Kara couldn’t hold back the smile that came to her face. “That’s great I’m excited to work with you!” 

The other woman was about to answer when Franklin came up. “Ready to head out?”

“Yeah. you’ve still got my number right?” She said looking at Kara. Kara answered with a nod. She was glad that Franklin seemed much happier than he head been just a few days before. 

Kara let out a happy sigh as she watched the two walk away. Her attention was suddenly pulled else wear when she heard the familiar sound of Lena’s heart beat. Suddenly her chest was filled with both hope and fear. Lena could be here so that they could talk things through but she could also be her because she wanted to tell Kara that she didn't’ want to see her anymore. Kara waited till she heard Lena exiting the elevator before stepping out of the office. She was trying to collect herself before she saw Lena. 

She took a moment to take a breathe, before turning to make eye contact with Lena. It had only been a day but seeing Lena still took her breath away. Lena relaxed slightly when she locked eyes with Kara. Once again, Kara felt herself smiling at seeing Lena again. She wanted to run t Lena to sweep her up in her arms and tell her that she was sorry that she wasn’t there for her and that she hadn’t reached out. (at least as Kara she hadn’t, she had tried to reach out at supergirl) Kara held herself back Lena needed to be the one to start this. Lena needed to be the person in control of this situation. If Kara tried to then she could just end up pushing Lena away with out giving Lena a chance to work out her own feelings. Lena was going through trauma and re living the trauma of her childhood. Kara understood that and of course she would feel more betrayed now.

Kara didn’t make a move until Lena reached her. Lena put a gentle hand on Kara’s arm. “Do you mind if we talk?” While Lena’s face was unreadable Kara knew her voice. She knew what the hesitancy in her voice sounded like and what it meant. She could hear the nervous wobble in Lena’s voice. She could tell there was pain behind her words. Lena was sorry. Kara could already tell and she wanted to wrap Lena up and tell her she had nothing to be sorry for. She knew that Lena needed to speak though so she stayed silent and walked with Lena out to the balcony where they could talk. 

“I’m sorry I was so short with you.You were just trying to do your job.” Lena said, she was trying to sound confident. She was nervous though that much was very obvious by the way Lena was fidgeting her hands. It was one of Lena’s tells. 

She felt her heart constrict here Lena was scared that she was about to reject her. She hadn’t seen Lena worried like this since she had told her about when she confronted edge. “Friendship is the most important job. I got so focused on my article that I forgot what really matters-” 

“No Kara,” Lena interrupted. She took a deep calming breathe before continuing. “The truth is if you’d been standing right next to me when Lex escaped I wouldn’t have let you be there for me.” Lena said sadly

This just added to Kara’s confusion. Lena had never pushed her away when she needed her but now she was saying that she would have done just that. “What do you mean? Why?” 

Lena looked down avoiding Kara’s eyes. She swallowed thickly. “Because I’m the one that’s keeping secrets.I have too many secrets I haven’t been telling you.” Kara opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it, Lena obviously needed to get this off her chest. 

“Eve wasn’t the only one working with Lex. I” Lena seemed to choke on the words, It pulled at Kara’s heart on one hand she was worried that Lena had actually helped Lex on the other she knew that Lena wouldn’t do that. Lena was the last person to want to help Lex in his evil schemes. “I was working with him too.” Kara could see the tears in Lena’s eyes. “He contacted me four months ago.he knew I had the Harun El. He had Cancer and he was afraid to die.” Tears were coming down Lena’s cheeks now. All Kara wanted to do was to wiped the tears from her face. “He- He’s my brother.” Lena’s lip twitched as she tried to form the words. “In my heart I knew he was manipulating me, but I believed him and I helped him and he betrayed me. I was weak and I will never forgive myself for that.”

“Oh Lena-” 

Once again Lena cut her off. “Kara wait there’s more I haven’t told you, but this this isn’t about Lex. This is about me. I- I’m gay. I’ve known for a long time and I should have told you you're my best friend. I’ve been hiding this for so long, that I had almost convinced myself that I was straights that Lillian had been right that it was all just a phase. Then then I met someone someone amazing who saw the good in me who has believed in me she is my hero. I can only imagine what you think of me. I’m so sorry Kara.” Lena said with a wet laugh. She looked up at Kara with tears still in her eyes and her hands visibly shaking. 

Kara knew she shouldn’t she knew that she and Lena were both in fragile states but she also knew that Lena needed to know that she wasn’t being rejected. So she gently put a hand on Lena’s cheek and leaned in. She planted a soft kiss on Lena’s lips. They tasted of salt of tears but that didn't’ matter not when Lena was leaning in and kissing her back. When they pulled apart Kara pulled her in for a hug. Lena needed comfort and assurance that she was good that she had done nothing wrong.

“No you don’t need to be sorry. You are so strong. You are brilliant and beautiful and are a kind hearted, beautiful soul. Your brother asked you for help and in life and death situations you help family. No one can judge you for that. I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me sooner. I’m sorry that I didn’t make sure that you were ok. I’m so sorry that you felt like you couldn’t come out to me and that you felt like I had pushed you away in any way. Most of all I’m sorry I didn't’ kiss you sooner.” Kara added with a small smile. That earned a little laugh from Lena that made Kara’s heart speed up. 

 

That night when they sat on the couch in Cat’s old office with some movie playing on tv all Kara could think about was that Lena had come clean but she hadn’t been able to do the same. How could she tell Lena she was supergirl. After Lena trusted her like this she then admits that she has been keeping an even bigger secret than Lena had been. If she told her it would tear them apart and they had just gotten close again, they had just fixed things she couldn’t lose that. It was selfish she knew but she also couldn't stand the idea of hurting Lena more or living with out Lena in her life. How could she tell her when telling her would mean losing her.

Kara blinked away her own tears and laid a gentle kiss on the other woman’s forehead. They had been working all night. They were even about to head to kasnia on a trip together to hunt down Lex. She trusted Lena with her life and Lena trusted her to go on a dangerous trip with her yet Kara still didn’t have the guts to tell the truth.

“You know when we are in kasnia there's this lovely little resort that we could visit they have a great view of the mountains and I think you would love it. They have an all you can eat breakfast buffet.” Lena looked up at Kara expectantly and Kara didn't’ have it in her to say no. 

“That sounds good but do they have potstickers?” Lena let out a loud laugh it was the happiest Kara had heard her all day. Kara couldn’t help but put a quick kiss on Lena’s cheek. Things may fall apart soon but for the time being she was going to do everything she could to hold them together. She was going to do everything in her power to keep Lena smiling like that. Even if it meant that she would be breaking her own heart in the process.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot I don't plan on continuing it I have far to many unfinished fics to add another to the list.


End file.
